Bittersweet

So last week, I recieved my "it's official" letter from City Year.

City Year is an amazing opportunity to spend a year working with at-risk youth in inner city areas. I am assigned to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I never thought I would live in the the south, but I have never been more excited. Besides getting to eat southern food, learning about jazz, and just moving to a new region of the US, I get the opportunity to work with community rebuilding. This opportunity is of all God, which is a blog all on its own.

While I am stoked to spend a year focused on service, I couldn't help but feel regret this past weekend. Between hosting a Dessert Night Potluck, CityWide picking up again, and Easter Lunch with my roommates, I was blessed to spend time with most of the people I care about at Bentley. It was one of those weekends where I wish I could hit record and replay. It was just a reminder of the community I built around me during my three years at Bentley. I have come a far way from that lost freshman who just complained about being homesick all the time.

Now back to the regret part (you know, not to be a downer or anything). This past weekend, I couldn't help but think of the great opportunity cost of spending a year in Baton Rouge. While following God's plan is well worth any sacrifice, I can't help but mull over my lost senior year. Of course, I'll come back to finish up my degree the following year, but it'll be difficult to come back to campus with my friends and roommates gone. I even regret the acquaintances I could have built relationships with next year. Last night, I kept thinking of how Dessert Night couldn't be made into an annual event or how I won't get to spend Easter with my roommates again.

One of my friends gave me comforting words last week over lunch - "Saying goodbye is a sign that you have your own thing going on." Change. While I love it and grow antsy without it, it's still a bittersweet moment. I'm sure once I arrive in Louisiana, it'll be one of the most empowering experiences. I just have to focus on what God has done for me so far. I praise Him for the year He has given me, rather than dwell on the year that could have been.

The Day That True Love Died

Although it is an hour and 45 minutes after Good Friday, I still cannot fathom the true meaning of this day (well, yesterday). It isn’t just a day that some guy was crucified, but God shook the earth to its core with His love.* It’s the day that the Coolest Kid in class decided to stand up and walk across the cafeteria only to sit next to the awkward loner. He broke social norms and took the rejection of his peers, so that I could hang out with Him (keeping in mind that this analogy is a complete understatement and no analogy can do Good Friday any justice).

Earlier tonight I was eating dinner with some fellow Christians in Harvard Square when one asked, “I don’t mean to sound sacrilegious, but what’s the point? People have been beaten and crucified before.” Then everyone at the table quickly jumped into Sunday school mode to explain the meaning behind it all. Although people have been mocked, beaten, and executed before, this is something different. It has to be something greater. Otherwise the story would not have survived 2000 years. Not only survive, but to have changed the world.

I’m sure the world has seen gruesome executions. I’m sure the world has seen people wrongly accused. I’m sure the world has seen people voluntarily take the blame. And, I’m sure it has seen this happen all at once more than once (Good Friday being one instance). However, one friend made a point that really struck me.

“Eloi, Eloi, lama sabalachtani?” Jesus cried out on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15: 34). Jesus felt complete separation from God. In essence, he experienced hell. He did it, so we would never have to.

Whoa. Think about it for a moment.

I’ll admit it. There are moments that I feel like God didn’t get the voicemail I left Him. There are occasions I feel like God is in a galaxy far, far away. There are times I feel like God gave my sister the bigger slice of pumpkin pie. But, I can honestly say, since I became a Christian, I have never felt abandonment. He always reassured His love for me before I could ever reach that point. I can barely tolerate feeling disliked by people of this world. To imagine a single moment without God's unconditional love is inconceivable. Yet, He did it. He felt it. He followed the plan without hesitation, without turning back. Someone once put God's love in perspective for me by saying "God loves you so much that if you were the only sinner, He still would have come back for You."

Jesus took care of our imperfections so we can have a relationship with the Perfect One. He took care of our uncool-ness, so we will always have a friend to hang out with afterschool. Thank You, Friend.



*The earth literally shook. Check out Matthew 27:51. I dare you.